From the hallway, he tossed the bag into our room and onto our bed as he made his way into the kitchen. Those 3 seconds is all it took for my romanticized fantasy to come crashing down. 

Y’all, it was Valentine’s Day. I had been cleaning the house all day, taking care of our son, whipping up a homecooked meal, and might I add, grooming myself ((clears throat)) if you know what I mean. I was certain Dustin had bought me some super thoughtful gift and surely he had been thinking of me all.day.long. I just knew he couldn’t wait to get home, shower me with love and affection, compliment me on all the hard work I had clearly accomplished around the house, share allllll his feelings with me, and OBVIOUSLY end the night with the best love making sesh ever. 

But there it was. The bag. Flying in the air and landing on our bed. Did I mention this was not a gift bag? And not even a paper bag at that? Oh no, it was a plastic Walmart bag, yall. A gray, plastic Walmart bag and it was holding the “very thoughtful gift” Dustin had bought me. 

Ready for it? Lingerie. From Walmart. Still hanging on the cheap, white, plastic hanger, still with the $10.99 price tag attached, and just for giggles, lemme remind you that it was still in the gray, plastic Walmart bag. Pretty sure the receipt was in there too.

So there we were, only a few years into our marriage and as you could tell, things were going great. Really, really great! 

As soon as that bag hit the bed, I did what any rational, mature wife would do. I got PISSED, y’all. But because I was super mature, I bottled my anger in like the best of them, gritted my teeth, and began to calculate every wrong thing my man had ever done. Once that backlog had been tallied, I merely compared it to every right thing I had ever done. A couple minutes of mental arithmetic and I had identified who the real MVP was in our marriage… I bet you can guess; he certainly wasn’t winning any awards. 

The rest of the night is a blur in my memory. I can’t tell you if we kissed and made up or if we let the sun go down on our anger. We’ve both talked about this over the years, and apparently we’ve both erased that night from our memories. Neither of us recall how it ended…

Looking back, all these years later, it sure has given us a lot of laughs though. Dustin has used that story many times to give other young, married men the ultimate marriage advice: “set the bar really, really low so that you can only go up from there.” 

But if I may, lemme turn back time. Back to that 14^th of February sometime in the very early 2000’s. Yes, I *had* worked hard that day around the house and in the kitchen (and lest we forget about all that grooming I did too, but I digress).  Point is, I was so focused on ME and everything I had done that I failed to consider HIS day! At the time, he was working really long hours in a very demanding job. The stress of that job weighed on his shoulders daily and the frustrations of his hearing loss (another story for another day) were added salt on the wound. 

So, who was right? Who was wrong? Or, who should have just avoided Walmart altogether (kidding)? To be honest, none of that really even matters. Not now anyway. But if I could have a do over for that night, here’s what I would have done: 

• Appreciate him for stopping at the store to grab me a gift even though he had worked a full day 
• Thank him for working so hard to provide for our family 
• Serve him dinner and have the best attitude while doing it
• Ask him if his day was hard and if there was anything I could do to help relieve his stress

Sure, in the heat of the moment, it would have been really hard to hold fast to that little list of perfection I just wrote out, but I sure would hope I could have loved Him like Jesus in that moment anyway. Afterall, if the goal in our marriage is to love our spouse the way Christ loves us, and if we *truly* lived that out, how much better would marriages today be?

Now before I go down the Christianese trail, please don’t think that I am living that Proverbs 31 wife life as if it comes naturally or something. My words aren’t always wise, I definitely suffer from laziness, and I certainly can’t say I laugh without fear of the future. Nah, I struggle on the regular, but I’m thankful that the Holy Spirit often and gently corrects me when I take the time to listen (even if it’s years later when I’m reliving another moment in the past like this epic Valentine’s Day). 

So, what is the Holy Spirit whispering to me? 

Well, for starters, how many times do I throw a plastic Walmart sack at *Him*? Figuratively speaking anyway. You see, God is ALWAYS working. Redeeming, Restoring, Rescuing, Healing, Forgiving, Loving, Pursuing, etc… And how many times are we worn so thin that we throw the tiniest effort at Him? The difference, though, is that even when we do throw a cheap effort His way, He loves us still the same. Unwavering love. Without guilt trips, condemnation, or manipulation. Oh, to be more like Him! 

Let’s move on, shall we? In addition to giving our best shot at loving our spouse like Jesus, even when we are thoroughly disappointed by their actions, never forget that we are still in control of ours! Our actions, that is. So, with another Valentine’s Day heading our way, here are some actions we wanna throw your way. 

Lemme start by saying: Ladies, don’t set yo man up to crush the V-day fantasy you’ve sketched in your mind. If there is something you are really hoping he does or buys for you, consider letting him know! Heads up, I’m gonna remind you 737 more times on future blogs that he is not a mind reader. 

As for what to get him or do for him for Vday… most likely, your man isn’t psyched for some flowers and chocolates, but he might be psyched for his favorite dish you make. Or a new nighty you surprise him with. Or for you initiating some sexy time. Or simply showering him with appreciation (maybe even a dozen post-it notes) literally spelling out all the things you are truly grateful for that you probs take for granted. And if you really want to surprise him, sign up for a Week of Sexdays! 

Men, (I don’t have high hopes that many of you are reading this, but in the event there are some blog-loving knights in shining armor out there) we’ve got some ideas for you too! Bring her flowers before Valentines day. Write her a love letter as if y’all were 17 again. Plan a special date that will really melt her. Lavish her with a spa day. Annnnnnd, moral of the story, don’t do any of these things with a big ol’ sex string attached either. Unless, of course, your woman is one of those who wishes you initiated more – in which case, you too could sign up for a Week of Sexdays! 

Whatever you end up planning for Valentine’s Day, we hope it turns out better than our Walmart sack story. But regardless, just make it a point to shower your spouse with love and affection LIKE YOU MEAN IT!